Baby steps lead the way.
Recently it’s just felt like I’ve been floating on some dark cloud, and it follows. Mentally, I’m still foggy. I find myself wanting to call you and text you. Tell you about the one thing I did at work that seemed small and stupid to other people, but to you, it would’ve been huge. You would have said something like, “Are you keeping them in line?” and I would’ve laughed.
I was driving trucks at work the other day and just thought, “I miss him.” I knew that this feeling would always be here, but it’s hard when it seems like your world stops spinning while everyone else’s just continues.
Today was a rough day, I think. We went to Maple Grove this morning and I just talked a lot about how you used to wake us up so early to go and we would spend all day just watching the cars race, get fries that were too expensive, and get burnt.
Everything reminds me of you. Every little thing I do, there’s something that we did or something you said, and I automatically want to talk about it. Talking about you helps me. It reminds me that you were such a huge part of not just my life, but everyone else’s and in a different way.
I wish I could just sit and talk with you again. Just to hear your voice tell me that things will fall into place at the right moments, they’ll come but it won’t be now. I want that reassuring squeeze you always gave because you could see it in my face that I wasn’t sure.
When I was little, I remember writing letters to him when I got in trouble. For some reason, I thought it made my apologizes more sincere, but I think it was more or so me working through my emotions. I was able to express them in a calming way. I don’t know if he ever kept any of them, but there were quite a few at one point. I guess I’ve always enjoyed writing, specifically writing that helps me get my feelings out.
Baby steps is all I’m taking for now. I can only put so much of myself out there and work through the things that I need to. You would’ve told me, “Yeah, just take small steps.” and I would’ve said, “baby steps.”
Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday, and allowing themselves to relax. :)
-K.