Last night there was a post on Facebook from Steve, the original Blue’s Clues host. Most of us know who he is. I watched it as he explained why he left, how much we all have grown in these 25 years, and how he never forgot us. I spent the majority of the night crying about this because I think the child in me needed that.

Just earlier that night I had gone with my brother to visit our mom and dad. We ate some arepa with Mami and laughed about my fangirling moment about a streamer I watch. I raided her pantry as she gave us both food and reminded us what to do with it, as she always does.

We both then drove off and pulled up together to my dad’s house to watch him talk about garages with our bonus momma. It was watching them in their moments that made me realize how a lot of girls chose men who remind them of our Dad’s. A curse or a blessing is up to you to decide.

It opened something in me that I felt like I had needed that day.

I can play entire episodes of the care bears in my head. Drab City to be exact. I’m not sure why that episode stuck with me, but it did. I remember decorating the Christmas tree with my momma one year and making a ornament for my Pap.

At age 5, I wrote Santa a letter for Christmas explaining how my little brother deserves all the better toys.

At age 7, I became terrified of thunder storms. I was in a car with my aunt, uncle and cousin. I was playing a Barbie detective game on a blue Gameboy. A tree fell on top of the car in front of us and it scared the shit out of me. I’m 22 and it still effects me to this day.

I remember when my parents bought us our first family dog. I was in the 2nd grade, I believe. I stole the picture from the fridge and took it with me to school to tell everyone about Minnie.

“What are you going to name her?” Mami asked as she’s brushing her teeth, me sitting on the toilet.

“Minnie because both of her ears are black.”

I got my head stuck in a toilet training seat once. My mom has a picture of me sitting on the couch with it and it’s one of my favorite things to tell people.

The first time we went to Disney World too. I believe it’s one of my core memories. I can replay our days over and over again. My dad still makes fun of me to this day about A Bug’s Life ride. The bugs came up through the seats and pinched us. I hated anything dark and all roller coaster rides so when I felt it come through, I lost my shit. I have never heard my Dad laugh as hard as he did that day.

I get so excited to watch kid’s movies that I watched when I was younger or go through the box of things my Mom kept throughout the years. It’s almost as if it’s my own personal healing process.

My childhood wasn’t always the best, but my parents did what they could with the resources they had.

We were all growing.

Steve,

Thank you for reminding me of the moments I spent in front of the TV, blocking out what I needed to. I still sing the mail song as I walk to check my mail every day.

I never forgot you.

-K.