Hi, I hope you’re still here.

I haven’t written in a few weeks. Honestly, I’ve been blocked, mentally, in all aspects of what I do. I try to think of something and it just escapes me. It’s almost as if there’s a wall I built inside my head that is built of stone and it won’t come down.

It’s been an extremely rough few weeks, which is expected, but I didn’t really think much of it. Everyone continues to ask about my dad and I want to keep saying good things, but the reality of the situation is I don’t really know. Although, I do pray and hope and manifest and do all I can to make my words come true. He’s a fighter and I know that’s exactly what he’s doing for us.

I think I’ve been fighting myself on my feelings these past few weeks. It’s been an emotional roller coaster that has caused me to just simply think about everything that is involved in my life right now. I was holding it all in and I wasn’t sure why. I’ve always been one to cry, LOL. Tiktok videos? I’m crying. People dying in books? I’m crying. A song? I’m crying. But this time, I’m not. I’ve numbed myself to the point where I will cry when I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. It’s like a self-made temper tantrum. I’m holding it in because I don’t want it to be true. I want to believe that he’s home and I can just pick up my phone and send him a quick text, or send him a song and be like, “add this to your playlist.”

But I can’t.

Life hits you in the most unexpected ways. A baby, a break-up, a loss, a move, whatever it is, sometimes it comes when we least expect it. But it feels as if it’s hitting you like a wave. The emotions just continue to crash over you again and again until you actually catch your footing. You wobble a little bit, but you’re still standing.

You are still standing.

I am still standing. I am wobbly and my feet are sinking into the sand, but I’m here and working through whatever waves come over me.

Have a great week. :)

-K.