The woman I’m supposed to be.

Sunday’s always seem to be the days that hit me the most emotionally and mentally. I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t allow myself to really be present and work through my emotions throughout the week, but it happens. I use them as my reset days and I’m glad I decided to blog on these days because it’s like a personal recap for me. It’s been helping a lot immensely, honestly.

For as far back as I can remember, I have always been known to get along with literally everyone and I got upset when I didn’t “fit in” with their standards. I was either too loud, didn’t like the same things they did, didn’t act the same way, didn’t do the things they wanted me to. I guess in middle school and high school you’re still trying to figure those things out, but I think I’ve always known that this is the person I’m supposed to be. I’m supposed to talk to this girl about how that book changed my perspective on the way they brain works, or talk to the old woman at the grocery store because she heard me laugh and enjoyed it or how the little baby in the shopping cart waved at me and I thought about her little smile for weeks after that.

The thoughts that consumed me today were more or so about, who I am. What makes me, me? I will admit that I overthink this topic too much, I dig deeper into the things that don’t necessarily mean anything at all.

I have let so many things in my life weigh down who I’m really supposed to grow to be. I once asked someone where they think thoughts come from and if that doesn’t explain the kind of person than I don’t know how else to explain myself. I will say I blame it solely on the astrology side of me, being a Sagittarius and all, but I think it’s so much more than that.

I love the feeling of learning something new. I love how it opens up a new wave of interests for me, or a new topic of conversation with random people I meet. I love the thought of finding something out and going, “Oh my god, I can’t wait to tell her about this.” I love the part of me that laughs at simply everything. I love the way that I love my people. I love the, “this made me think of you,” texts I get. I want to be that girl that radiates so much good energy that you can’t help but smile at the way it vibrates throughout the room.

I am so hard on myself for the same things that I love about others and I simply do not want to do that anymore. I am worthy of giving myself the same love that I give others. I know that now. It took me years to be able to look at myself and not find anything wrong to pick out that morning.

The woman I’m supposed to be hasn’t come out yet, but I’ve loved every “woman” that has made me, me. You’re going to hear my laugh from the other room, you’re going to hear my voice when I talk about the things that interest me, piss me off and excite me. You will hear about how proud of myself I am because these past few months for me has been amazing for my self-growth and self-love journey.

Honestly, I wasn’t going to write a post tonight because I couldn’t think of anything and maybe this isn’t going to be interesting or sad or happy, but I’m so glad I still decided to write.

Have a great week. <3

-K.